Slashto: Blue Shift
by thebluninja
Summary: What does it take to make the second-best porn parody of Blasto? Four unfortunate shlubs, in hock to Mr. Hock, have to find out - before he comes to collect. Written for the 2016 Mass Effect Big Bang, cover art by Calypso Tea.


_Author's Note: So here's a fun little short bit, courtesy of the Mass Effect Big Bang. This story comes with a graphic courtesy of Calypso Tea, check her out on Deviant Art, she's pretty good. I don't remember exactly what my thought process was with this; I think it was something like, "oh hey, I'll write a Blasto fic. Wait, no, I'll write a Blasto porn parody!" So without further adieu, I give you Slashto: Blue Shift. Or more accurately, the making thereof._

* * *

Milena looked up as her rescuer dropped the last body of her captors. The corpse flopped against the worn freighter deck, the ring of bruises bright under the light. Fluttering her eyelashes, she smiled and held up the shackles on her wrists. "Oh, Blasto, I don't know –"

"With extreme annoyance: Cut. Milena, this is the third time you have screwed up your line. Heavy with promised violence: If you can't get it right next take, you will not be paid overtime." The director glared in her direction, and she winced.

"Sorry, but I mean, if you don't want me calling him the name of the character we're obviously parodying, you could have picked something a little less easy to confuse," she complained. Rubbing her wrists, she squirmed on the floor. "And it's cold in here."

Her hanar co-star, Gathers-the-Clouds, set down his props. "This one needs a minute to use the waste facilities," it said.

On the floor, Gary waved a hand. "I'll just wait here. Do you think we can finish this scene? I've got to be at my next job in an hour."

The elcor raised one forepaw to her face, rubbing against her forehead with all the strength of a former stunt woman. "With dismay: How did my career fall so far? What did I do to bring this misfortune down on myself?"

"Pretty sure it was the gambling debts," Gary said.

Two heavy footsteps moved in his direction as he scrambled to his feet. "With righteous indignation: That roulette table was rigged, and you know it."

"Ugh, what _ever_ ," Milena complained. "Can we get back to filming? I promise, I'll get the name right this time. Slashto. _Slash_ to. Slash _to_." Continuing to mutter to herself, she sprawled back against the wall, repeating her lines, all three of them, over and over.

Gathers-the-Clouds floated back in from the direction of the hanar restroom, and stopped at the edge of the set. "This one is prepared. Where shall we begin again?"

Returning to her seat, Goona raised her omni and reset the cameras. "With barely restrained patience: Start at the closeup of Milena's face." The elcor took one last look around the set as Gary flopped back onto the floor, and the asari moved back to her knees, carefully arranging her arms to conceal herself at first from the cameras. "Action."

Milena looked up as her rescuer dropped the last body of her captors. Fluttering her eyelashes, she smiled up, putting just the right amount of nervous shyness into the expression as she met the unblinking stare of the hovering camera. Raising her arms, she held the shackles out towards it, rather than the hanar co-star a meter off to the side, out of frame. "Oh, _Slash_ to, I don't know what would have happened to me if you hadn't arrived. Could you release me from these bonds?" With her arms raised, her nude body was completely exposed to the camera, especially the temporary tattoo of a hanar just above her azure. "I would be … _ever_ so _grate_ ful."

Gathers-the-Clouds drifted towards her, his prop weapon folding up before he tossed it to the side just as he came in frame. "This one would never abandon you." An omni-tool lit up around his primary tentacle, running a graphic program. Gary would clean it up a little in post editing, adding in the cutting laser and the sparks, right to when Milena hit the little release button, letting the prop fall to the floor.

She rose to her feet, letting him wrap his tentacles around her wrists. "Oh, _Slash_ to," she murmured, pressing her face against the pointy, leathery tip of his body. Most viewers seemed to think that was where a hanar's face was, so she showered it with wet kisses as he drew her naked body closer. From the corner of her eye, she could see Goona adjusting the cameras for the most revealing, titillating angles. On cue, she gave a moan, feeling the hanar's other tentacles probing at her chest and azure.

 _Whatever pays the bills_ , she thought. Goona wasn't the only one who'd lost big at that casino, and if they were going to make it off Illium anytime this decade, it was going to take a lot of hard, disgusting work. _On the other hand, Gathers-the-Clouds is less messy than Gary and his four 'evil henchmen' were in scene seven._ With a practiced gasp, she dug her fingers into the hanar's body, and turned her attention back to the scene.

* * *

Four days later, the four of them gathered together, all of them facing Goona as she checked the first day's reward. True to his word, Gary had done a decent job on the graphics, adding just enough artificial wizardry to make the three action scenes pop and hold the interest of the kind of lowest-common-denominator (batarians, mostly) who bought these videos. "With apprehension: We have not looked at the accounts since distribution began yesterday."

The hanar waved one primary tentacle in a circle. "This one is tired of waiting."

Milena put a piece of gum in her mouth. "Yeah, Goona, c'mon. Quit with the drama."

After one glacial look around, the elcor raised her omni-tool, bringing up the bank account accepting deposit charges for downloads of "Slashto: Blue Shift." Everyone leaned forward, staring at the number. Gary rubbed at his eyes before pulling his eyelids wide and staring again. "Pinch me, I'm dreaming," he muttered.

Almost choking on her gum, Milena coughed it out into one trembling hand. "Are you sure you didn't just tap into some red sand dealer's account?"

"Numb from shock: I made no mistakes entering the account. Last night we held twenty-seven credits." Goona's forepaw drooped, the omni shutting off before she slumped to the floor.

"This one suggests we follow the ancient batarian wisdom. Take the money and run." Gathers-the-Clouds brought up his own omni, looking at the account himself. "After this one subtracts all our gambling debts, we are still left with over four hundred thousand credits. With an equal portion of that sum, this one can return to the Citadel in triumph."

"Great Goddess, the compound interest on that?" Milena blinked as possibilities occurred to her. "Hang on. That's just from _today_?"

Brought back to the present, the elcor who'd gotten them all into this looked up more information. "With surprise: Ninety percent of this income has happened in the last two hours."

Gary bolted across the room, running for his terminal, already muttering voice commands into his omni before he reached the chair. "Sweet mother of pearl, yeah. You know why?" He whirled around, bringing up a sound clip.

" _While no Spectre has given an official response, the hanar representative was quite vocal in his objection to such films as the_ Blasto _series, and even greater against the parodies – especially pornographic ones – released yesterday. Ambassador Speaks-In-Thunder even went so far as to promise 'the eternal retribution of this one's government' – before succumbing to the massive amount of intoxicants he'd imbibed."_

Flashing in eye-searing neon colors, Gathers-the-Clouds sank to the floor. "This one is ruined. Ruined."

"With sudden inspiration: Perhaps we can still salvage this. Money can be used for more than paying our sizable debts." Goona took two ponderous steps to the side, eyes on the floor, almost pacing right over Milena before she moved. "Determined: There is more we can do."

Sighing, the asari looked at the piece of gum in her hand, and used her biotics to flick it into the rafters of the cheap warehouse they'd rented (further increasing their debts) to film in. "Last time you said that, I had to fuck two turians, a human, a batarian, and Gary." She paused, shrugged, and waved a hand at the techie. "No offense, Gary."

Spluttering, the human pointed at Gathers-the-Clouds. "What about him?"

Scrunching up her nose, she looked at the hanar and back again. "What about him?"

"You complain about having sex with me, but not with him?"

"Uh, duh, because I didn't have sex with him, I just let him feel me up a little on camera." Rolling her eyes, Milena ran a hand over her crest. "That's not how hanar have sex. So anyway, what's the brilliant plan now, Goona?"

"Secretive: Gary, can you see whether our film is doing better than other parodies?" The elcor continued to pace with her slow, long steps.

Still frowning, he turned back to his computer terminal, pounding his keys into the aerogel keyboard, making it jiggle and shiver. "Um. Well, there's two spots that rank adult films, and we're second only to Fornax."

"Triumphantly: We do another one. We go bigger. Excitedly: More action scenes, better plot. With determination: We hire an acting coach, and put more effort into screening the extras we include."

Gathers-the-Clouds rose from the floor, his primary tentacles both lifting. "This one has another suggestion. We can accept monetary endorsements."

Gary and Milena shared a mutually baffled expression. "Do what now?" he spoke up.

Drooping, the hanar explained. "This one knows there are several wealthy beings on Illium, or nearby, who would happily pay to participate in our next film, if we promise them a scene." He hesitated, turning towards the asari. "This one must specify, a _fulfilling_ scene."

"With deliberation: You mean if we promise them they can be in the movie, and have sex with Milena." Goona stopped pacing, tapping one large toeclaw against the floor. "Cautiously accepting: That has possibilities."

"This one must clarify further, not just Milena. This one is prepared to, as the turians say, take one for the team. You might as well, Goona." Gathers-the-Clouds hovered closer to her, primaries waving slightly. "Gary too."

Raising his hands, the man in question slid his chair backwards. "Whoa. Aside from asari, I don't do chicks. I am strictly a dick man."

"With thinly veiled disgust: How anyone can be attracted outside of their species baffles me."

"Hey!"

"Apologetically: Other than asari."

All four of them fell silent, each thinking heavily. "So, we going to do this, or what?" Milena finally added. "I mean, ok, if it's going to earn me more than another hundred thousand, I'll fuck Gary again on camera."

"Hey!"

"Sorry, not sorry." Crossing her arms, she looked at her partners. "Well?"

"Worriedly: To do this, we will require a more skilled writer than we used before. Self-deprecatingly: Writing porn scenes around a popular movie does not require a great deal of creativity."

Gary stood up, shutting down his terminal. "Well, as it turns out, I might actually know someone who can help with that." He pulled his omni out, glancing at the total. "But, uh, we might need the ten grand we just earned during this conversation, to pay her consulting fee."

Turning orange, Gathers-the-Clouds literally shook with anger. "This one wonders who could possibly be worth ten thousand credits as a consulting fee."

Sighing, Gary headed for the door. "A matriarch. And the ten grand isn't just to consult, it's also a privacy retainer and reserve for exclusivity." At the door, he stopped to look them over. "And, uh, Milena might want to put some clothes on."

Blinking in surprise, she looked down. "Oh. I just got used to not wearing anything on set I forgot. Give me a minute."

* * *

In the back room of the Eternity lounge, Matriarch Aethyta looked from one face to another, giving them her best critical glare. "Let me get this straight. You're offering me ten thousand credits if I will write you a better script for your Blasto porn than the one you just made a million and a half credits with. And another ten thousand if I help you screen employees and keep anyone from getting out of hand."

"With proud certainty: Yes." Leaning back on a cushion designed for the rare elcor patrons, Goona sipped from a Kahuna, the official drink of the Dekunna Kahunas, her species' most famous mercenary group. (There were only three primarily-elcor mercenary groups in the galaxy, a fact that Goona, like most elcor, never thought about.)

"You're out of your fucking mind. Twenty thousand, and one percent gross." Having been around for nine centuries, Aethyta knew exactly how hard of a bargain she was driving here. Hopefully these clowns didn't, because since Liara left the planet last week with that human sheep herder she'd been hung up on, the matriarch had been bored out of her ever-loving mind, and she didn't want to turn them down.

They leaned close together, whispering for a moment, before straightening back up. "Grudgingly: One percent of the net profit on the first month."

On the inside, Aethyta was as giddy as a maiden getting her first turian in the sack, but years of practice kept her face stern as she pretended to consider it. "Two months," she countered. That second month of profit might be enough to buy her dinner; it wasn't like these kind of movies kept very long shelf lives.

"Respectfully: We agree. Gary will provide you with the address of the studio, and when we will be scheduling casting calls." Finishing the last half of her Kahuna, Goona rose from the cushions.

Milena stepped forward, and right as she opened her mouth, the matriarch's hand covered it. "No."

"But you didn't even hear what I was going to ask!" she complained through the hand.

Shaking her head, the matriarch headed back towards her post at the bar. "You were either going to ask me to star with you, or just to fuck you off camera."

Pouting and silent, Milena followed the others as they left Eternity and began descending stairs. Still giddy with success, they splurged on the surprisingly short walk back to their temporary home, buying items from street consoles and hawkers. Opening the rolling armored door, Gary led the way in. "Alright, so that's a start. I can add a really short trailer to the film, and –"

His words cut off as he walked straight forward into a gun barrel. As he was looking over his shoulder when he did so, it took a moment for him to turn his gaze forward, look down at the weapon, back up at the monochrome armored soldier holding it. Then, showing all the courage and fortitude of his short, pampered life, he let out a high pitched scream, wet himself, and fainted simultaneously.

Two more soldiers moved in from the side, waving the other three inside and dropping the door behind them. A fourth, the only one not wearing the concealing black and white helmet, strode forward around the corner from the freighter 'set.' "And here they are, at last. Where have you run off to?"

Gathers-the-Clouds floated forward towards the bearded human, keeping slow and not making any threatening moves with his tentacles. "This one does not recognize you or the insignia on your armor."

His smug, shit-eating grin grew wider. "My name is Donovan Hock. I heard about your success in the film industry. Given that you already owe me a rather large sum of money, and since I had to visit to handle some business personally, I thought I'd drop in." The smile vanished as he stepped forward over Gary. "Where are my credits?"

Even with a shotgun inches from her belly, Milena did her best to hide behind Goona as she whimpered. Ignoring her, the elcor started to take a step forward. As every weapon in the room reoriented the second her foot left the floor, she lowered it instead. "With unconcealed fear: We have the amount needed to pay our debts."

"That's what I wanted to hear," Hock said. "Transfer it, now." Even slower, at a pace that most elcor would have gotten impatient with, Goona lifted her forepaw, activating her omni. Humming, Hock watched his own, his other hand tapping his pistol against his thigh as he hummed something off-key and possibly off-color. "Are you trying to make me angry? I was kind, I was lenient! If you'd walked into an Eclipse controlled casino, and racked up that much debt, they'd have sold you to batarians if you were lucky! Carved you up for organs if they were in a bad mood. I'm only going to ask you one more time. _Where are my credits?!_ "

By the end of his speech, his face was inches from the elcor's, spittle coating her face in a manner that was normally considered an insult requiring lethal duels had it been done by another elcor. His pistol was jammed into her mouth, a scare tactic that worked rather less effectively on elcor than on humans.

"With trepidation and terror: I can transfer the other half now, but we had plans to make another film," Goona said.

As though she'd been waiting for it, avarice lit up his eyes to the point she expected them to glow gold or platinum. "Another film? Wasn't this your third?"

"Nervously: Yes. But this one is winning praise from critics for being the best Blasto porn available on the extranet." She held still as he stepped back, lowering the pistol again. "With certainty: Our last film was hastily thrown together. This one will do better."

Hock stared at her for several seconds, his expression moving less than Gary, to the point where his own soldiers were starting to fidget. "Alright. One more film. At the end of that filming, one day after release, you owe me one million credits. If you don't have it, that very fucking day, I'm going to come find you and decorate my bedroom with an elcor-skin rug." His smile, already fear-inducing, turned downright psychopathic as he spoke. "Do we understand each other?"

"Trembling with fear: I understand perfectly." Goona said nothing else as the mercenary leader strolled around them, rolled up the door, and left, his three goons trailing behind him, only putting their weapons away when they were out in traffic.

Milena rushed to slam the door closed again, locking it and then shoving the prop handcuffs into the track to jam them. "Oh goddess, what are we going to do?"

Gathers-the-Clouds floated over to Gary, activated his omni, and shocked the unconscious human back to wakefulness. "This one is reminded of a human aphorism: it does not take a great actor to recognize a bad one."

The asari stared at him for two seconds. "Huh?"

"Smugly: Despite running a gambling hall under the noses of Eclipse captains, Donovan Hock does not know when to recognize a bluff." Goona stepped past Gary, careful to avoid the puddle of urine. "With disgust: Clean up that mess. Proudly: Even if sales slow, we will have enough money by next week to pay Hock and finance this film."

Following her, Milena perched on the edge of the desk. "Okay, again, huh?"

"This one will clarify. Donovan Hock thinks he is robbing us by charging another half million credits in interest. But he could have pushed for a portion of the film profits, and potentially earned far more." The hanar moved towards the set. "This one inquires what our budget is for sets, and suggests we research the costs of public filming permits."

"Illium's pretty liberal compared to places like Thessia or Earth, but I'm still pretty sure they won't let us film interspecies porn in public," she mocked.

"This one is reminded of a salarian proverb: Pity the wisest teacher with the most foolish student." He floated back towards her, bringing up one of their action scenes. "The praise from critics is not all for the sex. This one would be remiss in not mentioning the many salivating comments heaped upon your body. But many also praise the development of the film and the non sex scenes that move forward the story, such as it was."

Wincing as he rose to his feet, Gary peeled out of his wet clothes. "None of you could warn me we were walking into an ambush? Oh sweet noodly deity, spare me from letting this happen again. I'll be in the shower." Grimacing at having to hold them, he still headed for the back 'office' where his living space was, to shower and wash out half the clothes he still owned.

As the sound of running water echoed through the warehouse, Milena frowned. "Uh, did anyone pay the bill since we started rolling in the dough?" Another high-pitched shriek echoed over the set. "Guess not."

"Uncaringly: Cold showers will do him good. If I have not made a mistake with the budget, we can afford to spend three thousand credits on sets, props, and costumes." Goona turned back towards them, sending information from her omni to theirs. "With less certainty: We spent almost seventeen hundred credits on Slashto."

"This one cannot properly plan until we receive a script. But this one can begin inventorying. There are some items that can be reused." Shifting to a slightly darker pink than usual, Gathers-the-Clouds floated off towards the sets and the boxes of props and costumes.

"Right, then I'll start putting together a list of extras and possible cast," Milena said. "Gotta make sure we don't hire anyone who's totally unfuckable for the camera."

The elcor turned to look at her. "Doubtfully: Do maiden asari ever think of anything besides having sex once they reach sexual maturity?"

Pulling a new piece of gum out of the desk drawer, Milena nodded and popped it in her mouth. "Sure. Plenty of them would rather kill you than fuck you. Are you getting jealous that you're not the only lover in my life?"

Turning away, the elcor stomped towards the living quarters without answering. Shrugging to herself and blowing a bubble with the gum, Milena got up to leave, taking a camera with her. She could include all but one of the turians for a repeat; they weren't great, but they didn't look hideous under the lens, and what was another round of fucking between employees anyway? While she was at it, she'd better get Aethyta to get Gary in for at least a cameo fuck, otherwise he'd get all mopey and whiny, and she hated having to give pity fucks.

Stepping back into the filtered Nos Astra sunlight, she smiled as she realized that once this was done, she'd never have to sleep with any of them ever again. Well, except maybe Gathers-the-Clouds. Now that she'd had fake sex for the camera, she was kind of curious what real sex with a hanar would be like. Maybe she could convince him for a quickie in the name of research.

Humming a happy tune, she set off for the unemployment center where they'd hired the last four.

* * *

Two weeks later, in the warehouse, just the four of them sat around the desk. After a quick conversation, they agreed to continue living in the warehouse, not wanting to risk too many more of their finances. Aethyta had been true to her word, submitting the script not three days later, and with a few tweaks from Goona, they wasted no time getting things prepared. The matriarch had even helped Milena weed through a number of applicants, though aside from the beatings she gave, her approach was much less 'hands-on' than the maiden star.

Gathers-the-Clouds and Gary had wasted no time on the sets and costumes, either, hardly sleeping as they trawled thrift shops, online self-sales, and even a few dumpsters to collect the items they expected to use. Two permits had been purchased, at the exorbitant price of a thousand credits each, to use certain neighborhoods nearby, and another thousand had gone towards bribing the local Eclipse boss – both to keep them from interfering, and to ensure they'd have an excuse to keep Hock's goons away.

"Solemnly: This is the moment. With our continued sales, we could walk away with thirty-seven thousand credits each." Goona thumped one forepaw into the floor, hard enough for them all to feel. "With determination: I wish to risk it."

"This one does as well." Gathers-the-Clouds tinted a little more yellow, wrapping his primary tentacles around each other. "This one thinks we have it in us to succeed."

"I think we're starting to sound a little too much like we did around the roulette table," Gary muttered. "But the alternative is I have to go back to flipping burgers at McSwineys. Let's do it."

They all stared at Milena for three and a half seconds, as her gum bubble got larger, before popping. "You think I just spent two weeks recruiting from the unemployment hall for nothing? What are we waiting on?"

The hanar floated over to the box of costumes, and with great deliberation, put on the costume Spectre uniform, and posed with the prop gun. "This one is ready to save the galaxy and chew bubblegum, but this one does not have a mouth capable of chewing."

Fluttering her eyelashes, Milena came out of her chair, falling to her knees and clasping her hands between her breasts. "Oh, _Slash_ to, take me now!"

"Amused: Save it for the proper scene, children," Goona said, turning for the door. "Proudly: We have an appointment to keep."

Gathering up the boxes of props and costumes they would need for their first outdoor scene, Milena and Gary followed along. A few people took pictures of Gathers-the-Clouds as they walked by, headed for the plaza a few blocks away where the opening scene of the movie would be. Aethyta had already messaged them to say that the area was blocked off, with signs posted to keep the average idiot from stumbling into frame. She would be patrolling the area to keep the above-average idiot from doing so, as they tended to do on purpose and would require above-average persuasion of the leaving-bruises kind.

A few spots were marked already, bright fluorescent arrows and lines painted on the cheap local stone. Floating over, the hanar started moving through his routine, checking his movements against the markers. Setting the boxes down well out of range, Gary started putting up the props and backdrops they needed for the filming. With any luck, they'd be able to pull this off by lunch. Muttering to herself, Milena changed into her costume, ignoring the several catcalls and whistles from the small crowd of civilians watching them. Goona turned on the cameras one at a time, checking their programming and viewing the angles as they hovered above the markers.

"Confidently: Cameras are ready. Is everyone else prepared?" Looking around, she actually squatted back on her hind legs to look over the heads in the crowd. "With annoyance: Where are the extras?"

"This one is ready."

Gary came over, dusting his hands together. "All set up. Just be careful with that can. It's supposed to fall apart, but if we have to do too many takes it might not stay together again."

Putting the prop gun into the holster of his costume, Gathers-the-Clouds turned to face the crowd. "This one will be careful. Our extras approach."

"Gratefully: Places, everyone." Seeing the monochrome costumes pushing through the crowd, the elcor activated the cameras. "With muted excitement: Act one, scene two. Slashto and Coula to places." She counted off a few more seconds as her companions moved to the right spots on the lines, and the three humanoids stepped past the posted signs and out of the crowd. Funny, she thought the costumes hadn't looked _that_ close to Hock's outfits in the warehouse. "Action."

Two of them turned to look at her. Inwardly, that annoyed her; hadn't they been told specifically to act as though she and the cameras weren't there? "Hold it, you're coming with us," the turian in the lead said, pointing at Milena. Again, what the hell were they doing, that was the batarian's line! She hated working with amateurs.

"Who, me?" At least the asari maiden had taken Aethyta's criticisms to heart; her expression was much more believable now. With a gasp, one hand raised to her mouth, she turned to run, moving slowly enough the three had no problems closing in on her.

While they struggled through the mock fight, Gathers-the-Clouds came up from the other side of the fight. Only instead of ignoring him, the batarian whirled around, drawing his gun. "You too, hanar," he said.

Growling, Goona was about to step forward and yell at them, before restarting the scene, but the matriarch stepped in front of her. "We have a problem."

"With frustration: That much is obvious. Those three idiots aren't following the script." Behind Aethyta, the hanar was rolling with it, improvising by picking up the fake trash bin and smashing it over the batarian's head. As designed, it fell to pieces like magic.

Only he didn't roll with it and fall down. "Those aren't your extras. Hock sent them to collect you four. He changed his mind about the filming and decided he wants his money now."

"With sudden terror: Oh shit." Before Goona could move forward, the two on-scene finally twigged to the fact that these weren't the amateur actors they were expecting to film with.

As the batarian raised his rifle, Gathers-the-Clouds moved. The burst from the automatic rifle shot past above his head, shattering tiles on the mural ten meters behind him. Both primary tentacles wrapped around the mercenary's ankles as he fought the recoil, trying to bring his weapon down. A sudden burst from the hanar's floatation device sent him shooting between the humanoid's legs and then straight up into the air. The soldier whipped around, his helmet slamming into the ground with an echoing crack. Dropping the body, the hanar grabbed the assault rifle with his primary tentacles, turning towards the other two.

With a primal scream, Milena leapt into the air, wrapping her legs around the turian's head. He flailed at her, slapping at her legs with armored fists. Summoning her biotics, she squeezed, blue-black energy roiling around her thighs as they squeezed tighter. His helmet cracked, and then exploded as she leaned back. Gray brains, blue blood, and black and white shrapnel fountained into the sky as her hands touched the ground. With another cry, she flung the body towards the third soldier.

Having a full second of warning, the human of the group had already brought his own rifle up, and pulled the trigger as his former partner's corpse slammed into him. Two bullets ricocheted off the black and white armor before the weight of the corpse sent his gun flying and knocked him to the ground.

Gathers-the-Clouds floated over, pointing the rifle down. "This one thinks you should not have gotten out of bed today." Before the goon could upstage his one-liner, the hanar pulled the trigger, tearing apart the thinner armor around his neck and sending the man to the afterlife. "This one thinks it's a good thing you are fiercer than you appear."

Twenty meters away, Aethyta leaned closer. "Are those two still pretending they're porno Blasto and his bed cookie?"

"With stunned disbelief: I think so. Amazed: Did you see what they just did?"

"Yeah. Surprised little sex kitten there understood what I meant about the fabled squeeze of a thousand pythons, though." Aethyta ran one hand over her fringe. "Uh, how much more was supposed to be filmed out here?"

From behind them, Gary ran up with the empty box of props. "Hate to interrupt, but we might want to run. There's at least six more of Hock's guys headed this way."

Turning around, they followed his pointing finger. "With increasing dismay: Oh no. Run." Goona started towards the opposite side of the plaza, towards one exit that would (after a few more confusing turns) lead back to their warehouse. "Frantically: You need to distract them."

Aethyta, walking at a calm pace beside the elcor, glanced back. "Ten thousand credits won't even start to cover the court costs here on Illium for killing a bunch of mercs. Lawyers are brutal, and I can't claim to be a Spectre."

Already ahead of them, Gary turned around, continuing his trot backwards as he spoke. "You don't have to _kill_ them, just _stall_ them or something! Why the hell did we bribe Eclipse if they're not going to interfere for us?"

"Irritated: A shady mercenary leader like Donovan Hock can afford larger bribes than we could afford to front. Also, you and Gather-the-Clouds both were against submitting a larger bribe." Goona rounded the corner, her cameras following an automatic recall command as she moved out of range. Whipping above the crowd, they missed many of the observing civilians by centimeters as the five devices took up a broad halo above her.

Sighing, the matriarch stopped walking, standing in the middle of the pedestrian walkway. Why had she agreed to do a job for these idiots? Oh, right, ridiculous amounts of money. Odds were, Hock already had a couple of goons waiting in the warehouse for them, and these fools were walking right into a trap. At least they'd paid her in advance, but she would miss the royalties.

The first four monochrome mercenaries came up towards her, their assault rifles held at the ready. "Sorry, but this street is closed," she said.

"Move out of the way," the shortest of the group commanded, leveling the rifle towards her navel.

Arching one eyebrow, she looked at the gun. "Nice toy. Let's try this again." Clenching her fist, she drew on all the formidable strength of her nine centuries, and in the space of a quarter second, the cheap batarian knock-off vibrated itself into dust. "Street's closed. Go around. _Please_ don't make me kill you, because I can't blame it on the justicar this time."

The two humans looked at each other in confusion, and the turian seemed ready to shoot. But to his credit, the salarian nodded, raising his hand and activating his omni. "Beta squad, we've lost sight of assets one and three. Gamma squad, rendezvous with Beta and continue pursuit. Delta, we will head to your location." Without lowering the omni, he looked Aethyta in the eyes, or at least she thought he did, the polarized lens on the face made it hard to tell where exactly he was looking. "Stay here, and don't get in our way again. Another squad might not stop."

Snickering, she waved one hand in a 'go away' motion. "Yeah, yeah. Heard that before. It'd take more than twenty of you to slow me down." Stepping back, she leaned against one of the walls. "I'm just paid to stall you."

"We appreciate it." She couldn't be completely sure, since translator functions didn't always convey the tone of voice, but that sounded like almost her-levels of sarcasm. The little salarian had some stones, at least. "Head that way," he ordered his squad, turning around and heading another direction through the plaza.

Looking around, Aethyta couldn't see where the maiden and the hanar had gone off to, but presumably the other two members of this particular goon squad had chased them down. Given how sudden and unexpected their attack had been, they'd blindsided the first two, and vanished while she was still talking to the elcor.

"Almost makes me wish one of those damn cameras had followed them," she said out loud. Actually, come to think of it, why not head for the warehouse? She didn't have to interfere, but she was curious how a group dumb enough to play at a rigged roulette table, for a combined sum of over a million credits, was somehow brilliant enough to give the slip to a mercenary group of above-average competence. Not _much_ above average, of course, but then, not everyone could be Eclipse. "Eh, why not," she continued talking to herself.

Starting off at a decent pace, she followed the elcor's path towards the warehouse. If she stepped it up to a jog, she might even beat them there.

* * *

As the third body hit the ground, Gathers-the-Clouds wrapped one primary tentacle gently around Milena's arm. "This one suggests we retreat to the warehouse, gather our things, and flee," he said.

"Duh, they brought company," she said, pointing. Gary had already noticed the others, and was grabbing the rest of the props. "Why'd they have to show up now? We still had two outdoor scenes to film! I never got to wear the purple outfit with the rhinestones!" Even while voicing her complaints, she was already vaulting one of the stone pedestals that dotted the plaza; they were supposedly placed in some pattern that was visible from twenty stories higher in the Illium skyrise, but all they really accomplished was being waist-high barricades the size of a person.

She had to vault two more to reach the nearest exit of the plaza, and she stopped to look. Two of the soldiers were rushing towards them, waving their guns and threatening civilians in their path. Her eyes widened as one of them raised his rifle, aiming at her, and she rushed to raise her biotics as he pulled the trigger. Her barrier, not fully formed, deflected the burst, scattering the deadly grains of metal in all directions and leaving her almost untouched.

But one of them wasn't pushed out of its trajectory quite as far, and she winced as a sudden line of fire ran back across her crest from her forehead. Bringing one hand up to her head, she blanched as it came back violet with fresh blood. "I've been shot. I've been shot!" The first repetition was shock, but the second was anger.

Before she moved more than one step, Gathers-the-Clouds moved in front of her face. "This one suggests finding an easier place to strike back. Not one where we can be easily surrounded." He remained steady as she stepped back, and the two goons came closer. "This one suggests we hurry."

Muttering under her breath, Milena turned around, sprinting down the walkway and straight for the safety railing that kept people from falling three stories to a restaurant below. Without breaking stride, she did an acrobatic leap over it, hurdling the barrier and giving two surprised patrons an unobstructed view up her costume skirt before she crashed into a table. Her biotics cushioned her landing, and ignoring the pained cries of the asari waitress, Milena dashed off in another direction, heading towards the center of the building. Her hanar partner just let his float propulsion unit catch him, following on her heels as the two goons looked over the railing, shouting orders into their omni-tools as they looked for another way down.

Running through windowless halls, they made several random turns, trusting to their general sense of direction to take them closer to their cheap warehouse. Exiting to the outdoors, they only traveled a few steps before coming to a sudden halt. Two more of Hock's men were waiting, and only blind luck had them facing away. It was two different mercenaries than the ones they'd left behind, as this pair was an asari and a human.

Pulling away, Gathers-the-Clouds floated forward, his float silent. The two armored soldiers were busy scanning a crowded intersection, and between the buzz of conversation, the tortured echoes of advertisements echoing off the buildings, and the hanar's own silence, they remained blissfully unaware of his presence as he came up close enough to touch. Neither noticed as he reached out with his primary tentacles, turned the time-activation controls on their grenades, and floated out of range back to Milena.

"So, uh, is that," she started to ask.

"This one suggests you turn away," he said.

Shrugging, she turned her back to the soldiers. "This is a good idea?"

"Those soldiers are only armed with flashbang grenades. This one suspects it will be painful for them, and anyone looking in their direction." A moment later, a loud shout made him look up.

The pair of humans that had been chasing them was now two floors above them, leaning over the railing, pointing and shouting. The asari thug took one step forward, and then the grenades went off. Civilians screamed, and from the other side of the plaza a trio of asari police started forward, while a trio of Eclipse exited the bar next to Milena and Gathers-the-Clouds.

"This one suggests we follow asari wisdom, and run like the wind," he said.

Already three steps away and not slowing down, Milena just gave him an angry glare over her shoulder. Hovering up above the crowd, he closed the distance. "I just hope that Gary and Goona are alright," she said. "You know what a weakling he is."

* * *

Skidding to a halt, Gary nearly dropped the box as he fumbled in his pocket. The reader on the back door was broken, had been since they moved in, but he had figured out on their first day how to jimmy the control circuit with a nice, conductive piece of metal of the right size. Then, after applying medigel to his burn, he'd put some insulation on the side he had to hold. No sense in repeating his mistake twice.

Looking back, he wondered where Goona had vanished. More than likely, he'd just outpaced her. Elcor were not fast unless they were extremely pissed off, and you did not want to piss off a being that thrived in gravity four times higher than your planet. Slipping the piece of metal through the crack in the housing, he fumbled it around, found the right spot, and grinned as the door slid open.

The lights were off in the warehouse, which was fine with him. One thing he liked about his current living companions was that none of them knew enough about humans to recognize that human eyes weren't supposed to reflect ambient light in near-total darkness. Anyone of his own species, of course, would have almost certainly recognized that as a trait common to a house cat, but not _homo sapiens_.

Of course, if there had been a cheaper and legaler option to get illegal surgical mods than going to a suspect planet like Illium, Gary wouldn't have been in that casino in the first place, trying to build up a large enough stake to pay for them. Forget Hock, he still owed a loan shark back on the Citadel another quarter million credits. Hock's goons would only kill him.

Of his companions, Milena didn't have the lights on half the time, Goona only had the lights on when she was working with the cameras, and Gathers-the-Clouds could provide his own. So off the set area, they hadn't bothered replacing the light circuits that were damaged, broken, or otherwise non-functional.

This meant the spotlights built into the armor of the four goons stood out tremendously well. Unlike them, Gary didn't need their illumination to move around. Also unlike them, he knew the warehouse like the back of his hand. He could easily sneak around them, get to his computer, access the accounts, transfer his share, and get out. Hock might be upset, but for all the power the mercenary leader had out here in the Traverse, he couldn't do much to Gary if he could make it back to the Citadel.

"Look at this garbage," the batarian in the group said. "They really managed to rake in a million credits making a film with this?"

"It's pathetic, yeah," agreed one of the human goons. "Besides, who'd want to watch a hanar have sex? Gross city."

Snorting, the four-eyed good dropped the prop he'd been holding, the fake set of shackles Gary had made for the bondage portion of Blue Shift. Then deliberately stomped on it, shattering the custom plastic into tiny fragments that glittered on the floor.

Without conscious thought, Gary set down the box of props on the floor. Deride his work? Destroy something he'd spent two hours designing? Oh _hell_ no. Assholes like this had a special pot of spaghetti sauce waiting to boil them alive in the afterlife. By His Noodley Appendage, they were going to pay.

Taking great care to move in near silence, Gary crept from the back door into their sleeping quarters. What had, at one point, been some kind of managerial offices and a walk-in freezer that had long since stopped functioning, the four of them had divvied up the rooms with curtains, blankets, and furniture, and with added help from Gathers-the-Clouds, Gary had installed a few species-specific fixtures to the bathrooms. Some of which would be quite useful to him.

They kept the doors in good maintenance, mainly so the other three could shut out Milena whenever she brought home another "audition" from the unemployment hall. With him safe inside, it closed silently, barely a hiss of air escaping as the two halves met. If he was lucky, they wouldn't even realize it was closed until he was done. From underneath his hammock, he pulled out his toolbox, a collection of five specialist omni-tools that served different purposes. While he did enjoy most of the time spent around these three, there was no escaping the fact that when it came to hardware, they were plebians.

A true craftsman relied on his tools … and Gary had some _bitching_ tools.

Taking off his generic one, that he wore out for quick-repairs and flash fabrication of broken props, he replaced it with his electrical specialty omni. On his right wrist he strapped on the environmental control omni, with some custom programs he'd written himself to handle the hanar's bathing unit.

Still moving quietly, he moved through the other door into the bathroom. As luck would have it, one of the human mercs was in there, opening up his armor to piss in the toilet. Behind him, Gary waited just long enough, until he judged the guy was mid-flow, and hit a command.

Electricity surged through the toilet bowl, up the stream, and through the man and his armor. A foul stench filled the air, as the energy flow boiled the urine and scorched the flesh of the armed intruder, though not sufficient to kill him. Paralyzed both from the current and pain, he stood frozen in place until his bladder had emptied, finally breaking the electrical conduit. Groaning in pain, he collapsed.

"What the hell?" Hearing the shout, Gary winced. He _probably_ should have noticed that the door was open. Stepping around the body, keeping at least a few inches away, he ducked into the elcor-sized stall. Finding an elcor toilet had been impossible, so rather than a comfortable, lightweight plastic like his own, this one was a cheap steel shape he'd built himself to Goona's specifications. All that really mattered this second was that, with the stall door closed, his feet would be invisible.

He could clean the footprints off it later.

He heard the goon stomp into the bathroom – probably the batarian, since he had been the one to shout. Gary held his breath, letting his illegally enhanced eyes pick out the shadows on the ceiling. The four-eyed alien was standing over the other guy, and if he just came a little closer … if this went wrong, Gary was about to die. If it went right, he might still die, but at least he'd gain a few more minutes.

Quite deliberately, he coughed. Going silent again, he counted to five.

 _What the everloving fuck. Did I get a deaf goon?_ The batarian hadn't budged. A little louder, he coughed again.

"Huh?"

 _Angus beef meatballs, finally._ Gary waited a moment, squinting slightly as the goon's lights lit up around the edges of the plastic bathroom stall door, and then it went flying open, silhouetting him. The assault rifle was pointed in his direction. "Don't move," the goon ordered.

"Sure," Gary said. "But one thing?"

"What?"

With his right hand, Gary pointed towards the tank on the ceiling. Like most of the other bathroom fixtures, he'd had to fabricate it himself. Gathers-the-Clouds said it was a wonder of engineering rare outside of hanar-specialty hotels. All Gary knew was that it had to supply massive pressure of water to the jellyfish.

He snapped his fingers. His omni, already pre-programmed, accepted the command, overrode the safety controls, and blew out the emergency release valve. Fifty gallons of water came shooting out at almost one hundred kilograms per square centimeter, acting more like a sharp cutting beam of energy than a spray of water.

Gary winced as the batarian literally vanished behind the hand-wide fan of water. His aim had been a little off, and instead of taking the mercenary cleanly in the head, the super-pressurized spray severed his arm just below the shoulder and cut deep into his body. The corpse was flung against the wall with a loud clatter just before the water ran out, the pumps seizing and shutting off as they started sucking in air.

In a sprint, Gary was out of the stall, vanishing back across the hall before the last two soldiers, drawn by the noise, could approach the hallway and see him. They might hear his footsteps, but he still knew this place better than they did. His hands moved almost on autopilot as he entered new commands into the omni-tools, using the nearly invisible orange light to maneuver across the room. The ladder was still where he left it. If he tried to move it, they might see; if he didn't move it, getting into the dusty, shadowed overhead would be more difficult.

Once upon a time, the warehouse had been tiled across the ceiling, hiding the many pipes and cables that carried water, air, and electricity from the industrial spaces below, upwards towards the domain of the wealthy. Long before they moved in the tiles themselves had vanished, stolen or recycled. But the basic framework was still there, and with the practice of building sets and hanging lights and microphones and cameras, Gary had become quite familiar with it.

Turning off the omnis, he looked at the gap. He could make it.

He was halfway up the ladder when the biotic field grabbed him, yanking both him and the ladder away from the wall, floating helplessly in midair. As he rotated around the artificial gravity field, he got a look at the asari and the human, both of them watching him. "You're going to regret this," the asari promised.

"I already am," he said. The biotics died a moment later, dropping him heavily to the floor on his back. His vision clouded from the pain, so that at first he didn't realize what he was seeing.

* * *

Coming in the front door, Goona's first thought was utter surprise. She'd expected to find a couple of Hock's men here at the warehouse; had they all followed to the plaza, to extort the rest of the money there? The door shut behind her, closing off what flimsy daylight filtered down to their level.

Walking forward, she heard an asari talking. And it didn't sound like Milena, either. At the open end of the hallway, she saw the two monochrome goons, one asari, one human with an assault rifle pointed into the workshop room, where Gary and Gathers-the-Clouds argued about props and backdrops and all the non-actor parts of their films.

"I already am," she heard Gary say. The human raised his assault rifle.

Throughout the known galaxy, especially to the Johnny-come-lately humans, elcor had a reputation. A reputation for gentleness, care, patience, and just overall being slow. This wasn't due to any kind of psychological setting in their make-up, but due to the simple fact of upbringing. Elcor were evolved and born for worlds with gravity more than four times what the human body could even stand. The ones who left their own planets to make their way in galactic society, spent _years_ learning and practicing movement in lower gravities, restraining their natural strength and reflexes.

They weren't gentle by nature. They were gentle because, if they weren't, they tended to rip through things like steel support beams like they were made of paper.

Two steps, taken with the full strength of her digitigrade legs, took her the full six meters of the hallway. The human had just started to turn when her right forepaw grabbed him around the head, each finger leaving a spiderweb of cracks. Before the asari could turn around, Goona had lifted the human off the floor and whipped him around. The momentum of the strike shattered twenty-seven asari bones and sent her crumpling to the ground.

It utterly tore loose the human's head.

"With severe anger: You do not hurt my friends." Still holding the severed, dripping head, she pressed down on the asari's chest with it. Armor plates, designed to stop bullets, buckled and snapped as she applied her full musculature force. Already on her way towards the afterlife, the asari accepted the extra push and expired.

Rolling over from where he'd watched his rescue, Gary took in the spray of blood and the crumpled bodies, and covered his nose. "Nice to see you, with such excellent timing."

Glancing down, Goona casually tossed the head into the recycling bin in the corner. "With pride: I have always made my cues." She stepped back into the hallway as he got to his feet. "With comedic regret: We may have to forfeit the cleaning and security deposit on the warehouse now."

Eyes wide, Gary stared at her for several seconds before an involuntary laugh fought its way free of his mouth. "We're being chased by Hock's goons before we can even finish, and you're worried about the cleaning fee?" Shaking his head, he followed her back to the main room.

Both of them tensed as the main door opened again, but this time it only revealed Milena and Gathers-the-Clouds. "Are we safe?" she asked.

"For the moment," Gary said. "We took care of the four waiting in here."

The hanar, still clutching the assault rifle he'd taken, moved towards the set. "This one counted four others. Two have been incapacitated by this one's actions."

The asari looked around, glancing at the water flooding out of the bathroom. "Do I even want to know?" she asked, pointing.

Gary glanced back, and shook his head. "Not really."

"With dismay: Despite the footage we already took, completing the film now will be exceedingly difficult." Goona curled one forepaw into a fist. "Disgustedly: And after we already paid the bribes and event fees, with no chance of refund."

Floating up, Gathers-the-Clouds put one primary tentacle on her forearm. "This one suggests we have been lucky so far. With the funds already set aside, we can all flee, or hide elsewhere on Illium. Nos Astra is not the only multicultural spaceport."

Pouting, Milena kicked the door. "Damnit, I was hoping we'd be able to finish."

"Optimistically: Perhaps we can still salvage something from this mess. And we have our current profits." Goona started forward, only to pause as the door started to cycle. "With exasperation: What now?"

Grimly, all four prepared themselves, but instead of the monochrome mercenaries they expected, only a single figure was backlit by the weak sunlight. As Goona turned on one of the camera floodlights, she raised a hand to block it from her eyes. "Geez, relax a little, will you?" Stepping inside, Aethyta looked down at the water. "You might want to get that looked at."

"It's on the to-do list, right below running away," Gary said. "What are you doing here?"

The matriarch grinned and walked over to Gary's desk, planting her butt on one corner and lifting her feet out of the thin film of water. "I just came to pass along some good news to you."

"This one would welcome good news after the events of the last hour," Gathers-the-Clouds said. "But this one also doubts whether it will be good enough."

"I figured you'd doubt, so I'll just share the headline with you. Yesterday, Donovan Hock was assassinated in his own house, during a party he was throwing for a bunch of other merc runners and Terminus warlords." Looking at their expressions, her own grin faltered. "That doesn't cheer you up?"

"Sarcastically: I am utterly thrilled to hear it. Seriously: If Hock is dead, why are his soldiers attacking us?" Elcor expressions being quite subtle, she didn't move during either sentence.

"Because the guys here, the ones that protect his casino, suddenly realized they're out of a job. But they also knew you still had a decent nest egg, and probably thought that combined with what they had, they could head off and get a good deal with someone like the Blue Suns." Aethyta shrugged. "'Course, the couple that are left might still do that, now that they're splitting the profits in much bigger pieces."

Milena clapped her hands together. "Wait, so, you mean we're actually good? They're not going to come after us?" Leaping into the air, she landed with a splash. "Uh, but we can't film here. Anymore. Gary, what did you do?"

Holding up his hands, the human scoffed. "Why me? Why does no one accuse Goona of breaking things?"

"Smugly: Because I show more care with everything in the building. You only demonstrate care for the props and your terminal."

Glaring at them, Gary jerked his thumb towards the hallway. "A batarian got a lesson in high pressure. On a related note, Gathers-the-Clouds can't take a shower until I can fix it."

"Well, personally, I'd recommend getting a new place." Aethyta slipped off the desk and headed towards the door. "Especially since Eclipse now knows about Hock's casino. And he owned this place. Have fun, kids. Don't look me up, I'm leaving this planet." Waving one hand, she walked back out and into the street, shouting at a robotaxi.

As the door closed behind her, stopping the water from leaking into the street again, they all stood for a moment in silence. "Uh, not to be the jerk here, but do we _want_ to finish Slashto 2?" Gary asked.

Goona started to sit down before remembering the water. "Uncertainly: I am undecided. We could earn more money. But we could also attract the attention of another warlord, or worse, Eclipse."

Gathers-the-Clouds dipped in the air, spinning slowly back and forth. "This one concurs. But this one must also speak a proverb from those who brought the light to Kahje: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. This one suggests we finish."

Milena bounced in place, sending ripples outward. "Yes! Absolutely we should finish this." Glancing around again, she made a face. "Let's get a new place. And maybe this time, release it when we're leaving the planet."

"Firmly: Agreed. We should grab our belongings." One step sent the centimeter-deep water sloshing forward in a miniature wave. "With disapproval: Whatever belongings are not flooded."

"Did you want me to get shot? Because I would have been. By a batarian, no less," Gary complained, already packing up the holographic terminal projector and deflating the aerogel keyboard.

* * *

 _Two weeks later_

The last day of filming. They had gone through quite a bit to get here, and aside from possibly Milena, all four of them were eager to get it over with. Gary would need two more days to finish the last of the digital effects, remixing the sound track, and prepping the file for its release.

He was bent over his keyboard right now, typing away, totally focused. They already had half a million pre-orders from just one week of sales. That alone was enough to spark a conversation about filming more, in a safer, more protected place. Like Omega.

This last scene, of course, would be just the two of them, Milena and Gathers-the-Clouds, as "Slashto" and "Coula," as she screwed the hanar senseless for his heroism. Gary had even gone to some effort to almost-but-not-quite copy the set from the end of Blasto 3, just to get the right feel for the scene.

Clad in a translucent drape of dark green cloth, Milena leaned against the side of the set. Her hanar partner was using an omni to make a small adjustment to the tint on his costume to better match his coloration. Goona came out of the real, actual office, three cameras hovering above her head. "Excitedly: Is everyone ready?"

"Beyond ready," the asari said.

"This one is prepared."

From his computer, Gary just gave a thumbs up.

"Attempting calm: Very well. Places. Lights to set." The tinted lights came on, highlighting the decadent circular bed, sheets already artfully rumpled. The cameras buzzed away from the elcor, taking up stations above the fluorescent lines on the floor, as did the hanar. "Action."

As Gathers-the-Clouds entered the scene, Milena pulled the swath of fabric tight against her, outlining the curves of her body. "Slashto, without you, I'd be a prisoner of the Two Suns," she said. Leaning forward, she presented her cleavage to camera two, and her ass and azure to camera three. "Please, come in."

He floated forward, his primary tentacles reaching up and taking hold of the see-through cloth. "This one owes you as much, Coula. Without your distraction, this one would have been spaced."

Together, they lowered the cloth, letting it drop to the floor, narrowly missing camera three as it followed programmed cues. "Oh, _Slash_ to, take me you big handsome jellyfish!" Leaning backwards, she fell onto the bed, pulling him above her. Her hands ran up his primary tentacles towards his body.

Seized with a sudden impulse, Milena decided to deviate slightly from the script. Sure, it called for him to feel her up a little more explicitly than their last film. But she'd always wondered what it would be like, and what better time than the present? Reaching out, stroking the base of his tentacles, her eyes turned black as she went for a biotic meld.

In the space of half a second, she was suddenly covered in a spray of yellow-white liquid, thin and oily. "With surprise: Cut. What happened."

Milena didn't move to stand up, just raising her head and looking at what coated her body. "Did you just cum on me?"

Floating backwards away from her, Gathers-the-Clouds retracted his tentacles, curling them up onto themselves in embarrassment. "This one did not expect you to _actually_ initiate sex on set. This one was unprepared."

"Still surprised: Very well. Milena, clean up. We will shoot this scene again." Goona sat down on the floor, recalling the cameras. "Teasingly: As soon as I adjust the script."

"Wait, we're going to keep that?" Gary said.

"With confidence: Fornax has never shown actual hanar sex. We can be the first."

Shuddering, he hunched further over his keyboard. "It disturbs me that you don't have to do research to know that."

Rising from the bed, Milena ran her hand through it on her walk to the shower, smearing it into her skin, and then raised her hand to sniff. Turning on the water, she made a mental adjustment to her personal species ranking of sexual partners. Batarians were now on the bottom of her list.


End file.
